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’Chu, pika pikachu…
(Translation now online…)
… stand me? Are we speaking the same…? We are? Good.
As a quick before note 'Characters' and 'Authors' are meant to be capitilised, they're name terms in my world... but here’s the story of what TRULY happened during Truelove Fight...
It’s a confusing world the world of fanfics. Each fandom, show, book, whatever have their own little sub-worlds split off from each other and the Characters are meant to stay within their sub-world confines, and wait to be given a job starring in whatever story is being written at the time. It’s kind of like being an actor in the world you call the ‘real’ one (not that mine’s fictional. Not to the Characters who inhabit it at least), but obviously you’ve got more promise of work. As long as your sub-world’s fandom is active of course… I’ve seen so many of my old friends retired and going off to the Retirement sub-world… *shudders* I hope I never have to go there before I’m ready.
Anyhow, lately something really weird’s been happening. The special barriers between our worlds have been breaking down. I mean at first it was rarely but now it happens all the time. First I knew was when I found a confused looking Agumon in my back yard. The kids were real excited though, they’d never seen a Digi-whatsit before… they’ve stopped getting excited now they’ve seen so many. And with these new ‘crossover’ stories came the horror stories… anti fictions, where we got beaten up while under the control of Authors wanting to annoy other Authors they didn’t like! Made me sick, but I’d never been in one… well, until that day I met Joan… sorry, I mean Erin. I think.
I got the phonecall that morning, the guy on the other end of the line asking if I could take on a one-day emergency fiction job. Those emergency jobs are usually unpleasant but I’ve made my name playing slightly more unsavoury roles. I once played a mutant Pikachu for a Pokemon gore fic… I could never look at a butter knife the same way after that. But yes, I said I’d come in and made my way down to the place where we enter into the stories: The Fiction Hub.
Now the Hub is a wide tube of a building with many different levels all containing the same things, a check-in desk and the vaccuum sealing ‘Transports’ to link us in a secondary form to the fiction we’re starring in. There’s also a café in the basement, very nice little place. Love to hang out there when I’m not working. Anyway a ‘Transport’ is a sort of hollow chamber made of clear plastic with a door that seals with a vaccuum, when the electronics are activated our minds and bodies are copied across to the story we’re in and although we exist in two places we’re more mentally at the story than the Hub’s Transports. Any chamber being used turns opaque and it’s considered the height of bad manners to pull a busy Character out of their story… not to mention dangerous.
So that day I came in and after checking in I headed towards the relevant Transport, and prepared to enter into this story. I thought nothing of the stares I’d gotten from the Kirlia behind the desk, and as the door sealed I heard the motors start up and then… I was somewhere else.
The first thing I noticed was that this fiction world was very very bright. Almost impossibly bright and I wished I’d been allowed a pair of sunglasses for this role, but I decided that I’d be able to cope. I also noticed that every little detail was… unusually sharp. Crisp. Perfect even. But I could tell even from inside the bush I’d landed in that the story’s world didn’t stretch very far. I sighed. Another person who thought they were better than they were at writing than they really were… a world that would probably contain a Character that the Author would be mentally having a passionate relationship with. I sniggered and thought “Oh well, it’s work.” and then I heard the mental call of the Author… and quickly wished I hadn’t.
Yu r the pOKemn I wnted for moi storee?
OMG YUR EVIIILLLL1 UR WURKNG 4 SATIN!!! it screeched at me.
I held my hands over my ears in a vain attempt to block out the voice. Who the hell was Satin anyway?
Suddenly I felt the Author’s mental push and following her direction (with that high-pitched a voice I couldn’t see it being a male Author) leapt out of the bush. Straight in front of me were two humanoid figures, holding hands and also looking impossibly beautiful and perfect. The male one of the two looked like a cardboard cutout and I thought he was until he moved, letting go of the girl’s hand. They both looked terrified. I felt the mental push to interact with them and so I walked forwards on all-fours and smiled at them.
“Pika, pikachu?” I tried.
At this the girl gave a loud screech. "WARD HELL I SCREAMED!!!" and I had to fight not to laugh out loud. Thankfully I am a professional.
As I tried a “Chuuuuu!” the cardboard cutout got in front of the girl and gave me a pathetically stern look. I tilted my head confused.
Wads goin2 kill u ow y demon!!!!11! the Author’s voice (which sounded exactly the same as the female Character now I thought about it) suddenly shouted.
‘Excuse me???’ I cried.
War a gud christina!!!11 well destoy al ur evl sinnnah ways!!!
Suddenly I felt the cardboard cutout picking me up by the tail, and I found the Author’s will paralyzing me as I tried to shock him. Suddenly I found myself flying through the air and as I flipped over and over the Author’s evil mocking laughter filled my head and I closed my eyes to brace for what would certainly be a very painful impact…
And then suddenly I stopped in mid-air, the right way up and the link with the Author was suddenly severed. I slowly opened my eyes and looked up, not counting on the catcher being a friendly influence. I was surprised to be looking into the eyes of a Flygon.
“Seems we got here just in time.” she grinned at me.
“We?” I asked.
The Flygon started to land on the ground, among the bushes and I saw a group of other Pokemon emerge from the bushes and strangely enough a Digi-whatsit. As we touched down I leapt to the ground and looked round at the group.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Secret taskforce,” a Dewott said, tapping the side of her noise with a wink. “These Anti-fictions are hurting everyone in our world… we were formed to take down the worst of those Authors. These people who just won’t learn.”
“We were supposed to be here from the beginning,” the Digi-whatsit said, sounding unusually meek for his grey punk rabbit-like appearance. “But we were a bit late gathering. The Author we’re after is quick to reject that she disagrees with… and she thinks Pokemon and Digimon are demons sent by Satan to turn good people bad.”
“So that’s what she meant…” I said.
“So, you in?” the Flygon grinned at me.
I looked around at the small group of my fellow Characters and nodded.
“Let’s fuck with her shit.”