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See the chapter-by-chapter summary for detailed informations and the full text.
It's not easy to make a summary of this particular fic, as it has no plot and no continuity. The narrative goes something like this:
Bella lives with Charlie, who drinks and abuses her because she's the reason Renee up and left him. She goes to school and meets Edward, while some mean students laugh at her.
After school they go on a date and find Alice washed up on the beach.They take her home, and are contacted by Hermione Granger, who tells them of a werewolf attack going on. In the forest, Jacob is savagely beating up Emmett, who turns out to be Alice's brother. Emmett has lots of knives in him, and needs 7 feet of stitches.
Edward and Bella have sex.
They are too sad to go to school the next day, and decide to get married instead. Almost the whole cast of Glee attend their wedding, and Edward's parents give them a house.
Very happy with their new situation, they decide to take Alice, Emmett and someone we can only assume is Renesmee with them on vacation. Edward and Bella have sex again, and go for a midnight swim. Coming back to the hotel, they find Charlie beating up Emmett. The police come to take Charlie with them, and Emmett goes to hospital in a coma.
Back home, Edward reads 50 Shades Of Gray as a bedtime story for the kids. Renee (assuming she is the same person as Reen and Renne) asks what happened, and they tell her that Jacob injured Emmett. Charlie comes stumbling in drunk, and Renee berates him for being a poor father. Charlie starts crying and regrets everything he's done.
Edward gets an angry phone call from school, informing him that Renesmee has forgotten her clothes at home again, and that they need to talk. In the pricipal's office, Edward defends Renesmee, who's spent several years kidnapped by pirates and simply can't remember much.
Carlisle picks them up from school, and they watch TV. Renee and Phil start arguing, and Phil stomps off in tears.They call Charlie to ask him to find Phil, but he can only inform them that Phil's gone missing. To cheer Bella up, Edward takes her to a concert.
Edward's sister Rose Sally (It's fairly safe to assume this is supposed to be Rosalie.) gets jealous of Bella's beauty. It's revealed that she's Carlisle's daughter with an elf princess named Legolas, and that she's been a vampire since the elves left America over 1000 years ago.
Renee and Phil, mysteriously not missing anymore, move to their own house down the street.
School ends for the summer, and everyone goes on vacation to the Cullen's lodge in Switzerland. We get the story about how Carlisle met Esme, which appears to have happened during that vacation, despite Esme having been mentioned in earlier chapters.
Jacob has escaped from jail, and for some reason knows where the Cullens are. He sneaks up to the house with the intention of drugging everyone so he can be their dealer. Seeing Jacob's face outside the window frightens Alice, and she screams for Edward.
We are told that Emmett's been comatose for five years, and that he's had most of his bones removed. At about this point, the fic gives up any attempt at a timeline.
The Cullens discover that Renesmee is missing. She has fallen off a cliff, and Carlisle revives her with a few injections. Because of the amount of drugs she's been tricked into taking, they think she won't ever be herself again. Bella and Edward cry all the way home.
Carlisle and Esme get married. After the wedding, a policeman knocks on the door with the news that Renesmee has been found near frozen to death. Edward weeps with joy, while Renee ponders why Jacob hates them so much. Charlie explains that it's because he wants them as his slaves, and it's horrible.
Jacob is released after he promises the judge not to do heroin again until he's 21.
The Cullen's move to California to escape Jacob. Bella wins a talent contest, and gets a record deal. She starts a band with Alice and Jasper, who are now married. As they work on a song, Edward comes running with a letter. It says that the police have found Carlisle, who has been missing for ten years. Carlisle has amnesia, and doesn't remember his family.
Jasper awakes from the coma that it was originally Emmett who was in. He's pretty reduced, and has to be taken care of by Esme.
Bella, Edward and Emmett are revealed to be in junior year of high school, with Alice and Jasper not old enough for high school yet. (And yet they are married?) There is a history lesson with Remus Lupin, where Jessica informs the class that Bella is ugly. Lupin gives her detention for saying that, since Bella can't help being ugly. Rose Sally arrives to introduce herself as the new student and elf princess, and Lupin tells her to sit with Edward.
It starts snowing, and Emmett pulls the children, which at that point means Alice, Jasper and Renesmee, on a sled. Jacob comes to be nasty, and throws a hard snowball at Renesmee. Carlisle has had enough of Jacob, and shoots him dead. His corpse is burned.
They decide that Carlisle must run for president, so he can stop crime and abuse. Renee puts the children to bed and reads them Twilight.
Renesmee has a nightmare about being beaten up by Jacob, and cries loudly. Bella arrives in the bedroom to spot Alice and Jasper having sex under a bed. She freaks out, and tells Edward that Alice is pregnant. Since Alice turns 18 the next day, however, she can marry Jasper. Right after the wedding, she gives birth to a daughter named Leah. This baby is never mentioned again.
Carlisle then goes on TV to collect votes. A reporter asks Esme what makes Carlisle so great, and she tells them what a wonderful father and husband he was when they were poor beggers in England. A man comes running into the studio to tell them that Carlisle can't become president. It turns out that in his past he's smoked weed, downloaded 15 000 Terra Byte of porn, and kissed Blaine Anderson. Esme flips out, and Carlisle has to explain to her that Blaine, or "Blair", was dressed up as a girl, and Carlisle simply made a mistake.
With Carlisle's dreams of power crushed, they return home and watch the OC. From the shadows outside, Phil watches and regrets leaving Renee alone with five babies.
Bella sneaks into Edward's bedroom to have sex with him. The next day they go to school hand in hand, ignoring the mean cheerleaders.
Because of Charlie's disgrace and failure to become president, they move to New York, which is London. They can see Big Bob from their window.
Edward and Bella start dating, and go to third base. The evil cheerleaders are jealous, because they like Edward.
Alice, Emmett and Renesmee have their first day of school, wearing floral dresses. Esme cries over how fast they have grown up. The no longer dead Jacob is in the year above them. He bullies Alice, but Jasper beats him up. It turns out that Jacob used to bully Jasper for not having legs; Phil had cut them off. However, Jasper has gotten them back.
The government sends Bella a text, telling her that Renee can come home after 10 years in a mental hospital. She has stopped trying to kill Bella. Renee and her daughter move into a new house, and Bella has to go to a new school. The mean cheerleaders bully her about driving an old car.
On a picnic at the beach, Emmett is washed away by the ocean. Rose Sally cries, but Charlie says the police will look for him. Carlisle takes a lot of photos of the perfect day. Phil regains his memory, and remembers that he's Renesmee's father. Renee is revealed as her mother.
When they come home, they receive another angry call from the principal. He scolds them for leaving Emmett at the bottom of the ocean, where he could hardly breathe. Renesmee has also forgotten to go home, and would they mind picking her up at the lost and found ASAP? Edward promises that they will be better parents from then on, and the principal hangs up with a huff. Charlie says they shouldn't care about what he says, because he's just a bitter, divorced man who drinks and smokes.
On the news they hear that Jacob has murdered the principal for failing him at maths, and that he's back in jail. Renee and Phil get married to celebrate.
Bella becomes a pop star (again?) after writing a song about her life that gets 1000 000000 0000 "likes" on MySpace. Edward threatens to beat up the cheerleaders if they pick on Bella for being famous.
Rose Sally confronts the couple, and claims that Bella's not good enough for her brother. Edward explains that she's not his sister, because Legolas was already pregnant when Carlisle met her. Her real father is Severus Snape.
Edward declares that he's in love with Bella, and has been since he saw her first video. Apparently, that happened before they ever met. They kiss.
Rose Sally is depressed that she's got an ugly father, but Emmett tells her that she's still beautiful and they hook up.
Bella and Edward start high school, and become prom King and Queen while New Directions perform. Alice starts dating Jasper, and Renesmee starts dating Kurt.
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