The Assassin's Diaries
Author AlexSalvatoreMiles
Protagonist Alex
Chapter count 19
Current host

The Assassin's Diaries is a troll fanfiction by AlexSalvatoreMiles.

Plot summaryEdit

See the chapter-by-chapter summary for detailed informations and the full text.

The story begins as Alexandre Hawke Jacob Miles arrives in Mystic Falls, Virginia, and meets Damon in a bar there. He and the vampire start talking, and when he learns that no one knows Alex is there, he takes him to a dark alleyway to kill him. However, he stops at the last second, and brings the unconscious Alex to his home.

The next day, Alex wakes up to meet Damon's brother, Stefan, and learns that they are vampires. He leaves, but takes Damon's offer to drive him to meet a real estate agent, Jenna. He buys a house from her, and starts unpacking, only for Damon to see all the weapons he carries, as an Assassin. However, Damon doesn't mind, and in fact comes on to him.

However, Alex has to leave for school, where he meets Derek, who introduces him to the other students. Notably, the "queen bee", Elena, immediately antagonizes Alex, and gets one of the students, Tyler, and his football team, to beat him up. However, he quickly heals these wounds.

He then meets Amelia, a student who is bullied by Elena's gang, and nearly kills Bonnie to get them to leave her alone. The two quickly become friends, and spend the rest of the day together with Derek. After school, he goes home to have sex with Damon for the first time. In the afterglow, Damon gets Alex to go with him to the dance for Miss Mystic Falls.

The next day, Alex meets Elena's brother Jeremy at school, and he triggers a memory with his father, telling him he has immense powers related to the First Civilization. Alex takes it pretty well and goes to the Miss Mystic Falls contest, only to see Damon dancing with Elena, as her boyfriend Stefan wasn't there. To make him jealous, Alex dances with Jeremy, and gets elected Miss Mystic Falls, despite not being female or a participant. He then declares he can't choose between Jeremy and Damon, and the two declare he doesn't have to, followed by another night of sex.

When he shares that experience with Derek the next day, the other declares his love for him, and Alex reveals he reciprocates, and they have sex in the bathroom. Right afterwards, Derek reveals he is a werewolf Assassin sent by Alex's father, and that a pack of werewolves were sent by the Templars to kill him.

This is Jacob's pack, plus Leslie (from Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy). Alex and Derek get unexpected help in Tyler, who is also a werewolf, and the three kill off half the pack, while Jacob, Leslie and Leah get away. After the battle, Alex brings Tyler and Derek home to heal them, and they soon join his growing harem as Jeremy and Tyler confess their love for each other.

Elena, Stefan, Bonnie, Jacob, Leslie, Leah and Amelia's mother Julie receive the help of the Templar Lucy to fight Alex, who decides to force Elena to become her vampire alter ego, Katherine, to kidnap Damon. Adriana finds this out, and warns Alex, but she is too late and Damon is kidnapped.

The gang enter Elena's castle, where they meet more Templars : AlexSalvatoreMiles's snarkers, Tigeranne, TalysAlankil, WolfBloodRei and AnyaThePurple with her pony Particula. Tyler and Jeremy fuse to become Avatar Zuko and the group kills Talys, Rei and Anya, but the other two run away, with Tigeranne turning Amelia to her side.

Tigeranne gets Bonnie to revive Talys and Rei as her pet wolves, and to rebuild Anya, who is a cyborg. At the same time, Alex's group splits to find Damon in the crypt. Alex and Derek take a shortcut by climbing down, but end up along in the heart of the Templar's base. The others are faced with Tigeranne's apprentices, Amelia and Alessandra, Lucy and Jacob. They are however saved by Milena, kill Lucy and Jacob, and force Amelia and Alessandra to run away. Chella appears as well, using her Portal gun to take them where Alex and Derek are.

The battle begins, but with Damon on the Templars' side, it is cruelly unequal. However, Savannah McCleah appears out of nowhere, and breaks the mind control on Damon. The Templars run away, but not before Alex kills Bonnie.

The girls take the castle for themselves while to boys go back to Alex's house. They meet Ezio a few days later, who warns them that the Templars are going to find Dally and use her as a superweapon. The group uses the Templars' teleportation device to go to King's Cross station, where they meet Edward and Bella, also first-year students. They all take the Hogwarts Express to Hogwarts, where the group is sorted in Gryffindor. There, they meet Harry, Ron and Hermione. Alex kills Ron and becomes prefect in his place, and Harry reveals he is in fact in love with Draco Malfoy but doesn't dare tell him.

After a very busy night, where Alex gets Edward to join his harem, Alex forces Harry to go see Draco and confess his love. In the Slytherin common room, they meet Helena, Twila, Tiana and, strangely enough, Milena, who point them to Draco, who is being beaten by Helena and Joan. Alex, Harry and their new friends want to stop them, but they disappear, having been recruited by Tigeranne. Still, Draco is grateful for being saved, and the two boys confess their love, with Alex acting as their mentor for their first time.

On the next day, Alex kills Hermione in Defense Against the Dark Arts class, earning the respect from the teacher, Iorek Byrnisson, who tells him the location of Dally. The group hurries there, but the Templars are already there. After Dally attempts to use Ron and Ginny as hostages and kills Ron, Harry reveals he doesn't care anymore and kills Ginny himself. As a plan B, Tigeranne's new general, Morgrim, makes the templars form a Glee Club. They sing "Defying Gravity", dragging the Assassins in the musical number, in which they kill Helena for no clear reason. It is so bad Alex explodes at the end of it.


Original charactersEdit

Twilight charactersEdit

Assassin's Creed charactersEdit

Harry Potter charactersEdit

His Dark Materials charactersEdit

Real peopleEdit

The Vampire Diaries charactersEdit

Other Sues and TrollsEdit

The SnarkersEdit

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