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TAD9 haha you templars suckEdit
Chapter 9 of the Assassin's diarrhea : THREAT
lololololololololololololololololololololololololol (A/N these are lolz but also a crowd of people cheering!)
Damon is sleeping in the bed alone (A/N because the others went to school) when suddenly someone came in through the window. IT WAS................... KATHERINE! She's the vampire who turned Damon and had been his first GF (A/N Damon likes both guys and girls but he's not bisexual because Derek told me bi people need to have both a GF and a BF and have threesomes all the time to be happy and he's not like that).
She jumps on him and sits over his midsection. She wears really skimpy clothes and some of it was a little transparent so it's really hot (A/N No homo though) and he's starting to get hard. She smiles and says "Do you love me Damon?" and since he is so horny he can only say "Yes."
"OK follow me." She says. And Damon does and they reach... THE CRYPT WHERE KATHERINE WAS LOCKED INTO!!! Elena's castle'ss builded on top of it now so at first Damon doesn't realize where he is until he sees the door.
"OMG how did you escape Katherine you were locked by Bonnie's ancestor there!" (Bonnie has bitch genes!)
"AHAHHAHAADIHADIPHAHOOA." She laughs evilly. And then she throws Damon in the crypt where he's locked by Bonnie's spells! (A/N If you haven't seen the show Bonnie had to open it and then that dumb bitch closed it again with new spells! And tried to lock Damon in!)
Alex is in terrorized panicking! "Where's Damon?" He asks. But nobody knows because they were all at school. Then Amelia (she has come too because they invited her over) says "well it's okay I'm sure we'll find him!"
"Yeah" Adriana says. "We just need to find a way to know where he is."
"I know!" Alex says and then he reads the flashback above so now he knows what happened to him. "That's so cool" You say. (A/N lololol breaking the front wall)
So they decided to prepare to rescue Damon from Elena's castle! They all started training and Adriana with her mesmer magic helped Alex master his powers of the Fragments of Eden because most of them give control of the mind so she'd know how to use them because that's what mesmer magic does.
After training was over Alex and Derek and Tyler and Jeremy and Amelia and Adriana walked to Elena's sasstle ready to burn it down if thats what they need to rescue their beloved Damon (A/N Alex and Derek and Tyler and Jeremy's beloved anyway). It's on top of a hill in the middle of the forest and really creepy and evil but still looks kinda nice because Templar technology manipulates the mind of people looking at it.
They destroyed the front door with plentiful ease and ran into the place screaming "ELENA AND BONNIE YOU BITCHES WE'LL KILL YOU!"
"And Lucy too!" Adriana eloquenced.
"And my stepmom too!" Amelia fulminataed (A/N like in percy jackson lololol).
"And that fucker Jacob!" Derek howled (because he thinks Jacob is an insiult to all werewolves).
"And those dykes Leslie and Leah!" Alex sexied.
"WE4LL KILL YOU ALL8888888"
But when they reached the great hall (like in Hogwarts but without the mahgical ceiling because Bonnie is fucking stupid and can't do that) they saw there were more enemies to fight...
There was an ugly old woman with long brown hair and a yellow and blue dress who was TalysAlankil and who had been there all along to spy on me!! An other was AnyaThePurple und shhe rode a purple pony with blue glasses. An other was WolfBloodRei who wad ugly hair two different shades of red (the color of commies and Teplars!) and looked like a 3-year-old had drawn her. And their leader was TigerAnne who had no face and had two wofl things (but not cool wolfs, more like lame normal woofs) following her.
"WE WILL STOP YOU ALEX BECAUSE YOUR STORY SUCKS!" TigerAnne says. "I already made a FORUM just to mock you for no reason!" (A/N like who does that? YOU HAVE A LIFE OR NOT?)
"And you insulted my one true love the songstress from within tentation!" WolfBloodRei said.
"Whatever you're just a dyke" Alex said. "We don't care about your opinion because you're not cool like Sandra and I'm sure you're like my mom, who's not even a person!"
"DUDE everyone's a person!" Anya said. "THERES A LINE YOU DON4T CROSS IT!!8!"
"Well I'LL CROSS IT!" Tyler and Jeremy said at once and their love for each other caused them to fuse together and become... AVATAR ZUKO!!! (A/N that's Zuko from Avatar the last master of the air but he's the Avatar in this because Aang sucks and he's an ugly brat okay?) And then he burned her with Fire mastery (AN I dont know the word in English so I hope I got it right). Then she was just a little pile of purple ashes.
"What?" TalysAlankil mumbled "Gurrrl why did you brun my friend and lover?" (because they're all dykes on this forum of creeps!) "I'll kill you with my Templar tehcnology!" Then he took his gun that was powered by a frag of Eden but Alex's powers were stronger anyway so it didn't work and Derek killed TalysAlankil with swift assassination moves.
"NOOOO!" WolfBloodRei gagged. "My friends and occasional lovers to console me from my lust for the girl of wt! I will avenge you!!!" She took a gun caled a scarf power gun or something but it didn't work because she was too stupide to use it. Alex's gang laughed at her for half an hour while she tried to use the gun and then the gun backfired and she died.
Then Tigeranne was all alone against the groupe with her dog-woof-things. "We dont need to do that your logic and story sucks and you're a homophobic judgmental bitch just admit it and we'll let you have Damon!"
Alex wanted Damon back but he was a good honest person so he wouldn't lie to get him. "NEVER! You're wrong I can't be a homophobe I AM GAY!"
But then Amelia said "she has a poitn Alex you should admit that you're mean to those poor dykes." And then she joined Tigeranne! (AN Because she's a stupid girl who believes evrything people tell her and is manipulated by the templar!) "Gooooooooood..." Tigeranne ranted. "I'll make you my student along with BellaCarino and together we will take the good Assassin's down! AHAHHAHAHAHAHOAHIDDOHDAOHAOIDIOADHAHDJAHDHDKAHO!!8888!88!!!!"
She clasped her hands on her wolves and they bamfed away!
A/N : What an exciting chapter I hope you're excited WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?
- Elena (mentioned)
- Bonnie (mentioned)
- Lucy (mentioned)
- Julie (mentioned)
- Jacob (mentioned)
- Leslie (mentioned)
- Leah (mentioned)
- The Snarkers
- BellaCarino (mentioned)
- Sandra is mentioned in this chapter as if Alex knows her ; however, she's not a character in the story : she's Alexandra's therapist.
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